I have noticed that occasionally people will repeat what they are saying when they talk with me. I noticed that this often happens when I am quick to respond. It was as if they were not sure that I had actually heard them.
In my mind’s eye, I had heard the statement or question and was providing my response. They sometimes even interrupt my response in order to repeat their earlier statement. On Sunday, I finally stopped the person and said that if they would let me finish I would answer their query. But I could sense their frustration and it troubled me.
Later that same day as I read True Love, it hit me. Feeling heard is the response to deep listening – which is the focus of this week’s chapter. And that is what was missing; I was not deeply listening.
In my rush to respond, I had not truly heard them. I had heard the spoken words yes, but that is not enough. I had not heard their heart, their soul, I had not heard their entire being. And thus, they were repeating themselves in order to be truly heard.
Often my intellect will craft a response to what is actually a query aimed at my heart. And my fiery air self will zoom in quickly with just the right ordering of consonants and vowels, the specific collection of words and symbols … and I respond before my heart has had a chance to participate.
I think back to how I have been rewarded for this practice. My almost encyclopedic knowledge of telecommunications, technical protocols and system level design made me a success in my corporate career. And it was my rapid intellectual response that made me a rising star in academia. Even my intuitive, psychic responses are often so quick and specific, that I have to force myself to pause to see if in fact the person is ready to hear it.
I have never questioned this ability before now.
What would it be like to truly listen?
What would it be like to hear more than the spoken words and my inner response?
What would it be like … to listen … so that others felt heard?
Posted in
Submitted by katrina on Mon, 03/09/2009 - 2:00pm.
Sorry about how I have been silent for so long. Actually I have been posting like mad, living up to my moniker as the crazed mystic, but it has been exclusively on our private Reflections school forum. We selected True Love for our 2009 book study. We started reading the book together on February 5th. We turned the reading into a devotional practice by reading a single chapter daily for a week. We are at week three of the study and this petite book is shaking me to my core.
It is a heart opening practice because we are focusing on self-love and spiraling outward to our loved ones. This book is one in a long line of mindfulness books from the beloved Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh.
But the heart touching nature of his message reminds me of a similar reaction I had to bell hooks’ All About Love. One of her lines just shattered me, “There can be no love without justice.” Whoa!
I thought back to all those people who caused me such harm under the rubric, “…because I love you.” If that was not love … what the hell was it? It ripped open my eyes as delusions and denials fell shattering all around me. Looking out with new eyes, I began the slow process of disentangling myself from some unhealthy, often toxic, relationships.
And if hooks could shatter so many faulty fun house mirrors, Hanh equally rips away blindness and ignorance.
“In true love, you attain freedom.”
“Understanding is the essence of love.”
“The most precious gift you can give to the one you love is your true presence.”
I am practicing being mindfully present with everyone I meet. And I have to say it is more difficult than I had imagined. But when applied to myself it brings tears to my eyes every single time.
“If you are not there, how can you love?”
Anahata: A Bell waiting to be rungThis question haunted me through last week’s yoga class. We are working with chakras this session and last Thursday was all about the heart. I am no longer surprised when my yoga instructor, Carrie, starts emphasizing my current spiritual practice, crisis or insight. She spoke so eloquently about opening the heart that my eyes began to tear up.
And then we proceeded to do some of the hardest poses and movements, or maybe I should say the hardest ones on me ... in a very long time. How very difficult it is to open the heart, to open my heart. And so much of yoga is focused directly on this practice.
I invite you to join us as we explore this practice for 16 weeks. Maybe you can blog about it.
Are you willing to open your heart? Are you willing to be free?
Dear one, I am really here for you. And it makes me happy.
Love,
Katrina
Posted in
Submitted by katrina on Tue, 02/17/2009 - 1:21pm.
Greetiongs, Katrina!
I am so glad to hear that you are well and on the way to mending! May your recovery be thorough and swift. May you enjoy it as *down* time from your busy life. May it be filled with gentle good times and loving friends and students at your side. And enough alone time to keep your throught straight!
Much love and many blessings,
SophiaHeath
sweet! :-)
You are usually able to annunciate what I do not have words for. Thank you!
Much love,
-Eridanus
INTJ here. I hear what you are saying.
"what is remembered, lives". It was with sadness that I read of Wilma Mankiller's passing. She won't be forgotten.
"...Weaver, Weaver weave this thread, whole and strong into your web...Healer, Healer, heal our pain...In love may she return again..."