Awareness
Flowers blooming along today's walkNormally on this blog I am unpacking, as in unpacking my psychic luggage or unpacking the meaning within complex symbols or dreams, but today I am packing. I am packing because I am about to go north again. I have another session at Assisi, and once again I am first stopping by Casa Chaos North to visit my precious friends.
I am the crazy shaman woman once again – a name that Angela Raincatcher gave me after pulling her hair out while helping me pack for my second Descent workshop. Yeah … I do get a bit crazed. It is hard for me to leave my home and travel. No matter how much I miss my friends or crave the deep discussions at school, I have turned into a complete homebody. And even if the ride/flight was calm, efficient and pain free, I would still be worn out from all the people, their bewildering energies and their non-stop psychic chatter. Phew!
Oh well, I will have to gird my loins or what ever clichéd thing we say nowadays to get us through the tough bits … [roll eyes] okay, enough of that.
I want to thank everyone who responded to my last post. I am okay, just doing my work. As many folks realize, I share it here as a way of exposing the process of self-examination and reflection. Maybe you can see yourself or someone you know in my journey and just maybe, you will find hope and validation. At least, that is my goal.
That reminds me, I have new goals for 2010. I hope to write them up and share them with you real soon. Okay, right … back to packing. Aieeee!
Posted in
Submitted by katrina on Thu, 03/11/2010 - 10:23pm.
Aside from the return of my Seasonal Affective Disorder, I have noticed a deep fatigue, no more like weariness, overcoming me. Last year I was struggling under an avalanche of work. And although I may have more items on my to do list than possibly a few small countries, I am not by any measure under the same amount of pressure as last year.
So why am I so tired?
I have plenty of answers. Like most folks, I can rationalize just about anything. But the answers I come up with are raising further questions. If this is simply the Chronic Fatigue portion of my illnesses, why did the pain mask it all this time? If this is the fatigue portion of my Fibromyalgia, how come I did not feel it during the summer and early fall? And if it is SAD, why is it not lifting now that I am taking vitamin D like last year?
See … more questions … and no answers that bring closure.
So in today’s meditation, I decided to approach the issue differently. Was it my weariness that really bothered me? And surprisingly, the answer was no. What actually bothered me the most was my inability to do much work. I was upset more by my leaving items unchecked than being tired.
Whoa!
A part of me is filled with anxiety because … I *should* be working. So I sat with that anxiety and listened with compassion. I still have no answers, but somehow … almost inexplicably … it’s okay.
Namaste!
Posted in
Submitted by katrina on Fri, 10/30/2009 - 6:19pm.
My first session as a student at the Assisi Institute was eye opening in many ways. A great deal of material was covered in a very short amount of time. This session’s topic was unconscious communication. Most of the examples were from a therapeutic environment, but the applicability across disciplines was also discussed.
In a nutshell, we humans can be thought to have two brains – a new brain and an old brain, left and right hemisphere respectively. Our left/new brain uses words and numbers, and exists in linear time. Our right/old brain speaks in symbols, colors, images, and emotions and exists in non-linear time. They speak of the old brain as a two million year old person living in our psyche. This old brain sounds a lot like what many of us pagans call our younger-self to me.Note 1
Our right brain communicates to us primarily in dreams and physical symptoms. The other way our right brain communicates is by subtly selecting the stories the left sphere uses to express itself. So if you want to hear the old brain one needs to listen carefully for unconscious truths emanating from the stories that a person speaks out loud.
Without knowing it, we often obscure our true feeling but our old brain sneaks in the truths in the midst of our conversations. How often has a plumber mentioned some other guy that will cheat you while handing you his own bill? Have you ever heard a merchant mention substandard work elsewhere while showing her wares? How many friends and lovers mention the pending breakup of a couple days or months before severing their relationship with you?
An example:
Person 1: I am worried about J, I haven’t heard from him in a long time. I wonder if he is sick or maybe he is mad at me.
Person 2: Oh, I hadn’t heard anything about J. Maybe I should call him.
Person 2 is not responding to the unconscious communication from Person 1. S/he has not heard the truth underling the statement from Person 1. Person 1 is not so much talking about J so much as Person 2’s relationship with Person 1.
A further example:
Person 1: I am worried about J, I haven’t heard from him in a long time. I wonder if he is sick or maybe he is mad at me.
Person 2: I don’t know about J. But I am sorry I haven’t called in awhile. I am fine but I had to be on call for a family emergency. How are you doing?
Person 2 is now responding to the unconscious communication from Person 1.
Now I am hearing unconscious truths everywhere around me. It is blaring from the TV, snippets float up from sidewalk conversations, and I even hear my own stories through a new filter.
There is a lot more to this area, but this portion was enough to convince me that I am in right place for my education.
I will share more of this topic as I begin my homework.
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Note 1: H. Buchy (Chemalfait) reminded me that younger self is actually "the oldest part of us". And I have to agree with him on this note. In many traditions that have the concept of the triple soul, the younger self, "fetch, unihipili or nephesh" is thought to be associated with the right side of the brain.
Now I knew this of course, but in my delirium I oringinally referenced the divine or god soul. I can always rely on my readers to bring me back to some semblance of sanity. Good catch, Henry!
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Submitted by katrina on Wed, 10/14/2009 - 2:36pm.
I am finally feeling normal after my almost two weeks away. I have so much to talk about, I just need time to get it all down. This post refused to wait its turn however. Hopefully, more later.
When I first began walking at Sligo Creek Park almost twenty years ago, it was a struggle just to walk a few yards without sitting down to rest. In recent years, my walks extended far into the more picturesque portions of the park. It was while walking on the paved paths that I became aware of an alternative route just over the creek along edge of the woods. Each visit, as I struggled to keep my balance on the artificially even asphalt, I looked across at the wooded side longingly. "One day, one day", became my anthem.
Today, I usually take that elusive path, dodging exposed tree roots, boulders, and low hanging vegetation with a sense of hard won accomplishment. It may have taken years, but I finally made it to the wild side.
But this past weekend, sitting in Angela Raincatcher’s wonderful Magick of Manifestation class, I came face to face with another wildness I have yet to fathom. After settling into our younger selves through deep trance work, we dove with delight into an incredible stack of magazines. We were supposed to be finding images to use with our magickal intention. But since my younger self was running the image search, all kinds of symbols and images wound up in my pile. So yeah a third represented my intent to find more time and space in my life for me, along with another third that illustrated my search for a motherhouse for my tradition. It was the final pile that completely surprised me.
In this third pile were images of colorful roller girls, dancing women, a strong woman surrounded by fire and finally an image of middle age woman walking alongside a cheetah in the African grasslands. It was this last image that seemed to express a familiar calling. It was less a call to walk ON THE wild side, then a call to walk WITH MY wild side.
Ah, yes! The yearning for the wild path was also a call from within. It is my wild self that yearns to be free, to create new paths through the wilderness yes, but also to dance with abandon in the city streets. The roller girl’s hair was a bright red and the dancing woman was dressed in a sexy black dress. I tried to remember the last time I even attempted to look sexy or even dance with abandon. I think it was at Sacred Space Conference. Wow, I really *am* overdue.
And so this week, my plans include creating a collage with my wild images. And sometime soon, expect to see a new hair color and something sexy and black, because I am headed to the wild side. And to get in, sometimes you have to dress the part!
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Submitted by katrina on Tue, 09/29/2009 - 4:41pm.
sweet! :-)
You are usually able to annunciate what I do not have words for. Thank you!
Much love,
-Eridanus
INTJ here. I hear what you are saying.
"what is remembered, lives". It was with sadness that I read of Wilma Mankiller's passing. She won't be forgotten.
"...Weaver, Weaver weave this thread, whole and strong into your web...Healer, Healer, heal our pain...In love may she return again..."
While student at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, I became friends with Carl Rogers, who was respected as one of the leading psychotherapists of his time. He taught me much about the art of listening.
Dr. Rogers said that when we listen, and people know we are listening, it shows we truly care about them. In turn, they will respond by caring about you. It opens communication and also opens hearts. When we accept them as a person, unconditionally, they will be more kind to you.
We should listen without preconceptions, without anticipation and without judgement if we want others to portray what they truly feel. We listen with all our senses, not just to the words which are said. Some people cannot fully express themselves while speaking, so we must try to see them as they see themselves. We should watch for non-verbal clues as to what they really mean: facial expressions, body movements, etc.
While we should show positive regard for the other person, we should also demonstrate our own positive self-regard. We do not react to their negative comments, verbally or physically, even when we disagree with them. When they do ask for our opinion, however, we should respond with our true thoughts and in specifics rather than generalities. We offer our own perspective as other options rather than as contradictions.
Listening might seem quite passive as opposed to speaking. It is actually very active. To paraphrase Bobby Kennedy, “I learn while listening. When I talk I don’t learn too much.” If you think talking helps to spread your own wisdom, you are not really wise.