My long-term goals have not change much from last year. The only change has been in my perspective. I have changed and my view of my goals have as a result deepened and blossomed.
Deepen my spiritual journey
- Study wisdom traditions
- Deepen my spiritual practice
- Build my tradition
My understanding of my spiritual journey has changed considerably. I initially thought my studying for example, would primarily shift to a more formal effort associated with the Assisi Institute. But what I had not imagined was how much my independent study would deepen in addition to the certification program’s requirements.
My spiritual practice went from my trying to dictate canonical periods of prayer and morphed into a continuous process of dream, trance, contact, reverie and prayer. The only goal that has stayed pretty much the same is building my tradition. We are hard at work on our bylaws and secular structure. At the same time, our ecclesiastical structure and vision has become clearer and more detailed.
Nurture the fabric my life
- Build core strength
- Open my heart
- Care for my home
Nurturing the fabric of my life has similarly evolved as I have slowed down for various reasons this winter and spring. And for the first time in my life I am experiencing a slower pace, an open schedule and a calmer mind. At first I thought it was a result of the fogginess, but as I have revived with the help of vitamin D, I am noticing a lack of urgency in my gut. Part of it is a result of my practices of deep awareness and prayer, but it is also the result of the painful work of reclaiming my physical awareness from a lifetime of pain, rage and grief.
Whatever the cause, I feel stronger. I cannot bench press anywhere close to extremes of my youth, but I am stronger where it counts. And with this strength and calmness, my heart is opening in ways I had never imagined only a short time ago. And with this evolution, I am letting go of even my modest self-expectations in favor of an acceptance of what is real … in the here and now. And in the here and now, my home needs to be a place of peace, serenity and compassion – and not a place of sterile organization, overcompensation and fatigue inducing projects. So I let it all go … at least in the moment … and instead I focus on what is the work in my hands. And in my hands are simple things like clean dishes, delicious meals, clean laundry, empty trashcans, and paid bills. I do what I can and leave what I cannot handle … for now.
Share my message
- Write and publish
- Teach
- Connect
And in sharing my message, I am slowly weaving my way out of my self imposed hesitancy and reticence. There is this great song that was taught to me by the mighty, mighty Madrone. “I am learning to breathe underwater, it’s so beautiful down here, I use to think that if I tried, I would drown. I’m learning to open my mouth and say what I want without fear, that I’ll chase away my future with a sound!”
It may have seemed that I was unafraid, but some fears are so deep down, you don’t even know you have them. And so I am learning to open my mouth … and say what I want … without fear. And what I am learning is that the one who needs to hear it the most … is me. And so as I open my heart, my mouth, my ears and my hands … I am becoming stronger, happier and more at peace.
So my goals for this year:
- Incorporate our church
- Register to perform marriages in DC
- Develop weekly Reflections’ courses
- Publish my book
- Continue
- Regular blog posts
- Studying at the Assisi Institute
- Teaching and priestessing
- Offering spiritual counseling
- Radical self-care
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Deborah Bella (not verified) | Tue, 05/25/2010 - 5:49pm
sweet! :-)
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