Finding Balance

I often feel out of balance in my life.

I feel like I am working all the time.

I feel like I am missing out on the simpler pleasures.

I feel like I need more XX in my life. Where XX stands for (amongst other things) enjoyment, relaxation, self-nurturance and social connection.

However, the real issue is ... am I really as out of balance as I feel?

This is an important distinction ... I have felt lazy when I was doing the work of twelve people. I have felt incompetent while experimenting with technology so cutting edge only four people in the entire country understood it ... besides me. And I have felt unacknowledged when people have showered me with sincere praise and recognition. So the fact that I feel out of balance does not mean I *am* out of balance.

Over the last few weeks, I have been working along with other free-lancers, knowledge workers and non-traditional artisans to devise a methodology that would help us is to illustrate whatever balance that is already present in our lives and nudge us in the moment of decision making toward improving our sense of balance.

We have crafted incredibly beautiful balance bots, mandalas, diagrams and tools to help us track this elusive balance. And we have discovered a great deal about all the ways we differ and the many, many ways we are the same. One very smart fellow even did a tarot reading to help us in our quest.

But here we are, weeks later, still scratching our collective heads. We are oh so close, but it is starting to feel like it is time for that intuitive leap to reveal itself, that qualitative jump that will transcend all our individual assumptions and blow all our minds.

Because, I am starting to wonder if it is not our lives that need to change so much as it is our conception of what it means to live a balanced life.

What if … my life already has a dynamic, Two of Pentacles, kind of balance … and I fail to notice because I focus all my energy/attention on working hard?

What if … I dismiss the importance of all the openness, the relaxation, and the social connections that I already have abundantly in my life?

What if … I attached as much importance and visibility to the lunar, yin and watery aspects of my life as I do to the solar, yang and fiery aspects?

Hmmm …What if the balance I seek … is within?

That would make so much sense. I have been focused on balancing between self-nurturance and sharing. This has been helpful in many ways. It helped me to restart my yoga practice, encouraged me to rest more often and it allowed me to began reading my mystical texts again without feeling guilty about “not working” … whatever that means. But the renewed balance in my life has not sated that thirst for balance within me.

What is missing is a sense of balance, core balance if you will. So how do I encourage core balance? My yoga, walking, meditation and canonical prayers are part of my overall practice to build core strength.

What if the balance I seek is simply another facet of core strength?

I promise myself to care for this inner questioning as I move through my week. I will allow these ideas and questions to settle into my prayers, my yoga practice and my breathing. I will give this process the time it needs and nurture this unfolding mystery so it can eventually sprout and bloom. I hope to share its fruit in the coming days and weeks.

But in the meantime … I ask each of you … how do you find balance in your life? How do you acknowledge the balance already present? And how do you strengthen your physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional core?

Posted in

Submitted by katrina on Tue, 06/23/2009 - 7:00am.

Stephen Smith (not verified) | Wed, 07/01/2009 - 12:15pm

I have found that one of the most effective ways for me to achieve some balance in my work and life is simply to put it in my calendar. For example, early last week I decided that Friday morning would be time for 'me', so I put it in the calendar and used it the way I wanted - reading a new book!

My lovely bride and I also work very hard to *not* work on Sundays, rather that day is for us to spend together.

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Recent comments

  • Claire-Marie Le Normond (not verified)

    Wish I could be there. Very well spoken.

    15 weeks 2 days ago
  • David Salisbury (not verified)

    Katrina,
    I wish you all the blessings and power you need on your journey. Thank you for these words. It is good to remember that returning to work (and thus returning to grace) bring a chance for us all to rest and have joy.
    Wishing you joy in the Work.

    David

    17 weeks 3 days ago
  • Sigre (not verified)

    Dear Katrina- Thorn reposted your blog and happy am I. Your passion, always so immense, comes blowing out in these words. So akin to my own heart and soul that it makes me have a bittersweet smile.

    The Storm is only now coming to the edges of our universe and yet it will sweep and consume all that is. In the end, our beautiful universe will be so much...more? Different? Complete? Who knows?

    All I do know is my soul came here to witness and be part in this period. I cannot shrink from the work. I am here with you, fae sister!

    17 weeks 5 days ago
  • Macha NightMare (not verified)

    Thought-provoking piece, Katrina. Thanks.

    I don't know what to call myself either. In Pagandom, I've taken to referring to myself as a Witch at Large. In the interfaith world where I'm active, I call myself a Pagan. Sometimes I call myself an uppity woman or a Second Wave Feminist. I've never really thought to publicly identify myself by my sexuality, het woman, which is very "white bread" and old-fashioned. Not only het, but serially monogamous for the most part. It seems almost a liability these days to say you're het, but I am proudly and happily so. I tend towards intellectualism but only have a BA, which doesn't carry much weight, at least in public and professional worlds, no matter how much you've studied, trained, and can articulate, even teach.

    My biological heritage is Irish, Dutch, French Huguenot, Euro-mongrel. My social heritage is Roman Catholic on one side and conservative Methodist, temperance-crusading, women's rights and education on the other, with distinct East Coast sensibilities, now mellowed by more than half a century living on the Left Coast. My maternal political heritage is conservative Republican (altho what my relatives might think of current trends in the GOP I cannot imagine, since they did have brains and they did think and they did have a social conscience), yet I am much farther left in my outlook than any elected official I know. My paternal political heritage is blue collar Democratic, except that my dad broke with his family on politics and allied with my mother's family's conservatism.

    I'm a former hippie, a home-birth advocate, a home death and green burial advocate, an opponent of capital punishment and resorting to warfare to resolve humankind's differences. I support the right to conscious self-deliverance. I rejoice in any and all consensual expressions of love and eros. I'm a lover and a mom.

    I have never missed voting in an election and I disrespect those who don't avail themselves of this hard-won right. (I have ancestors who fought the Brits in the American Revolution.) I support workers' rights. I recognize our interdependence on this planet, so could be called a greenie. I'm a committed environmentalist in my day-to-day life (in terms of eating locally grown food, expanding public transit, recycling, preserving open space and wildlife, opposing exploitation of natural resources [strip mining, oil-drilling, nuclear facilities, agribusiness, monocultures, clear-cutting timber, overuse of pesticides, genetic modification, etc.]) I want to make the city streets "safe for dancing," as my old friend Tony Serra said when he ran for mayor of SF on the Platypus Party ticket.

    Well, you got me going there, my friend. Thought-provoking read, as I said. ;-)

    xo,
    Macha

    34 weeks 2 days ago
  • Eridanus (not verified)

    Lovely azaleas!

    [cough][gag][snort][sneeze]

    Just lovely...

    I know what you mean.

    36 weeks 5 days ago
  • Anonymous (not verified)

    I feel you. There is too much bs- particularly when people decide that their temperament is tantamount to truthful and ignore everyone else.
    I get irked by immature extroverts or closet introverts who ignore you REPEATEDLY and then pretend you're out of line for being upset by the time they can't pretend you didn't say anything anymore. I find that the same people will ignore you if you blow up right away, too, and that it's because they just don't think that honoring what you value is important to maintaining a relationship, or even worse: that you don't know what you value at all and that it's all a mind game for their pleasure or annoyance. Then they call you passive-aggressive, aggressive, moody, touchy and temperamental. I call them "not listening".

    36 weeks 6 days ago