Ah, Patience

I have more patience now than I have had my entire life, and yet… I find myself tapping my metaphorical foot on more than a few occasions.

“Is it soup yet?”

Am I done yet?

Crap!

And so I find myself in the midst of several cycles of change at once … ah, such is life.

As we hurtle toward solstice, reminding me of how the once small snowball became a avalanche, I found myself moaning like a wounded animal last Thursday. I sat on the sofa, tucked in a fetal position, tears flowing freely … and moaning.

My cries and whimpers startled the calico who came bounding down the stairs. As she slowly approached me with wide, wide eyes …I suddenly “heard” the word chakra. Chakra? Chakra.

So I checked my chakras, all was fine until … of course my third eye. My third eye has been wonky since the Between the Worlds ritual. Ah, crap!

And as soon as I calmed it down, my energy returned, I could prepare dinner and sit up right. Presto chango! I was cured.

And it has been that way ever since the ritual. Now whenever I start to feel crappy, my chakras are run and rebalanced -- and my third eye is calmed down.

So I call Ivo, as I always do whenever this kind of thing happens, and as usual he says, “…you are changing”, and I reply as usual, “… again?”

I call Thorn and she says all these incredibly intelligent stuff that sounds vaguely familiar, “It is what you told me.” She says matter-of-factly.

My friends, god I love them …but geez!

I am changing. I am *still* changing. My sight is become larger, I can hear more, see more and feel so much more ... and dammit it hurts! So much information, so many people in pain. So many starving for spiritual nurturance … y’ouch!

And oh great, I get to hear them, feel them and experience their pain …sigh.

Patience, huh?

Well. It would be a hell of lot easier if this current change wasn’t happening during the same time as the solstice dip, the preparation for the coming school year, while I am finalizing plans for my upcoming workshop and my usual end of year madness. It is a good thing I do not shop for the holidays till after Christmas.

And so as I sat here sipping tea, watching the little DemonFafa play, I decided to take a little time out before I begin planning my week … to just think about things, about life and about stuff in general … and what occurred to me is this. … That the path of patience begins when you take the time to hang out where you are. And where I am right now, is not too shabby.

So yeah, my sight is getting larger. But I will learn to handle it just like I learned to handle all my previous gifts.

That is how it works for me. It is how I learn and grow. All I have to do is pay attention to the here and now. And slowly over time, this expanded sight will become part of how I walk my path.

It is like riding a bike or driving a car, or even caring for three orphan kittens … it becomes part of who I am … and eventually it will be like breathing. And I can wait for that to happen as long I stay present in the now.

Right here, right now … ah … patience.

Posted in

Submitted by katrina on Mon, 12/17/2007 - 12:07pm.

Reya Mellicker (not verified) | Tue, 12/18/2007 - 9:44pm

You can slow the process down any time you want, but ... ahem ... you have to wrap your heart in white light. It really slows things down to a comprehensible speed. Do you have to do every bit of your evoling in this lifetime? Why?

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Recent comments

  • Claire-Marie Le Normond (not verified)

    Wish I could be there. Very well spoken.

    16 weeks 1 day ago
  • David Salisbury (not verified)

    Katrina,
    I wish you all the blessings and power you need on your journey. Thank you for these words. It is good to remember that returning to work (and thus returning to grace) bring a chance for us all to rest and have joy.
    Wishing you joy in the Work.

    David

    18 weeks 3 days ago
  • Sigre (not verified)

    Dear Katrina- Thorn reposted your blog and happy am I. Your passion, always so immense, comes blowing out in these words. So akin to my own heart and soul that it makes me have a bittersweet smile.

    The Storm is only now coming to the edges of our universe and yet it will sweep and consume all that is. In the end, our beautiful universe will be so much...more? Different? Complete? Who knows?

    All I do know is my soul came here to witness and be part in this period. I cannot shrink from the work. I am here with you, fae sister!

    18 weeks 4 days ago
  • Macha NightMare (not verified)

    Thought-provoking piece, Katrina. Thanks.

    I don't know what to call myself either. In Pagandom, I've taken to referring to myself as a Witch at Large. In the interfaith world where I'm active, I call myself a Pagan. Sometimes I call myself an uppity woman or a Second Wave Feminist. I've never really thought to publicly identify myself by my sexuality, het woman, which is very "white bread" and old-fashioned. Not only het, but serially monogamous for the most part. It seems almost a liability these days to say you're het, but I am proudly and happily so. I tend towards intellectualism but only have a BA, which doesn't carry much weight, at least in public and professional worlds, no matter how much you've studied, trained, and can articulate, even teach.

    My biological heritage is Irish, Dutch, French Huguenot, Euro-mongrel. My social heritage is Roman Catholic on one side and conservative Methodist, temperance-crusading, women's rights and education on the other, with distinct East Coast sensibilities, now mellowed by more than half a century living on the Left Coast. My maternal political heritage is conservative Republican (altho what my relatives might think of current trends in the GOP I cannot imagine, since they did have brains and they did think and they did have a social conscience), yet I am much farther left in my outlook than any elected official I know. My paternal political heritage is blue collar Democratic, except that my dad broke with his family on politics and allied with my mother's family's conservatism.

    I'm a former hippie, a home-birth advocate, a home death and green burial advocate, an opponent of capital punishment and resorting to warfare to resolve humankind's differences. I support the right to conscious self-deliverance. I rejoice in any and all consensual expressions of love and eros. I'm a lover and a mom.

    I have never missed voting in an election and I disrespect those who don't avail themselves of this hard-won right. (I have ancestors who fought the Brits in the American Revolution.) I support workers' rights. I recognize our interdependence on this planet, so could be called a greenie. I'm a committed environmentalist in my day-to-day life (in terms of eating locally grown food, expanding public transit, recycling, preserving open space and wildlife, opposing exploitation of natural resources [strip mining, oil-drilling, nuclear facilities, agribusiness, monocultures, clear-cutting timber, overuse of pesticides, genetic modification, etc.]) I want to make the city streets "safe for dancing," as my old friend Tony Serra said when he ran for mayor of SF on the Platypus Party ticket.

    Well, you got me going there, my friend. Thought-provoking read, as I said. ;-)

    xo,
    Macha

    35 weeks 1 day ago
  • Eridanus (not verified)

    Lovely azaleas!

    [cough][gag][snort][sneeze]

    Just lovely...

    I know what you mean.

    37 weeks 4 days ago
  • Anonymous (not verified)

    I feel you. There is too much bs- particularly when people decide that their temperament is tantamount to truthful and ignore everyone else.
    I get irked by immature extroverts or closet introverts who ignore you REPEATEDLY and then pretend you're out of line for being upset by the time they can't pretend you didn't say anything anymore. I find that the same people will ignore you if you blow up right away, too, and that it's because they just don't think that honoring what you value is important to maintaining a relationship, or even worse: that you don't know what you value at all and that it's all a mind game for their pleasure or annoyance. Then they call you passive-aggressive, aggressive, moody, touchy and temperamental. I call them "not listening".

    37 weeks 5 days ago