Mid Week Status Report

It started off well, two nights of turkey, oh delicious turkey! What wonder art thou!

But I get ahead of myself. First was the long, long drive down into the darkness of Fredericksburg, Virginia to sing for my dearest Serendipity and her lovely Mother. It was an honor and a privilege. May your Father’s journey through the Summerland be filled with such sweetness and joy. And may the Goddess hold you and your family in her love and mercy. Love, love, love …

Then there was turkey, oh glorious turkey! Thanks to Rose, Nicky, Forest, Pam, Trey & Wayne, I ate heartily on Turkey-Day. Then … there was glorious leftovers on Friday with Ryni, Mary and Sheila. Ooo la la, more turkey! Love, love, love …

Then the ever so sweet and truly adorable Patricia came over and helped me to clean off my altars. And yes, dear .. you are both sweet AND adorable. And oh my goodness, there is a surface under all that schtuff ... who knew? And again ... love, love, love ...

So then … what the hell happened?

Oh, I know … life! Life happened. And I wound up in a funk. On Monday, I attended yet another funeral with beloved friends which reminded me of course to put my travails in perspective. But by Tuesday with the $3K auto repair bill and back into the doldrums I went.

I am still driving the loaner, and that in and of itself is an experience. Keyless driving is truly a mystery to me. And I am not even going to go in to how you have to step on the break to start the car … who designed this … Microsoft?

So anyway, as I sit fuming at nothing and no one in particular, it dawns on me. Everything is actually okay. It could be a whole lot better yes, but whatever it is I am facing could be a whole lot worse too.

So instead of sucking it up and getting back to work, I offered my funk up to the gods.

“Hey! You there! Yeah, you! This bad mood is all yours!”

The gods answer with glee, “Is that all you got? Surely you could be more pissed off!”

I laugh, “Tough! That is what I got, DEAL!”

And the divine responds with such laughter and delight … it almost is enough to lift my mood … almost.

So I look at my pile of Things To Do™, and pick through them for things that strike my fancy. “I will do this and nothing else”, I pronounce to the snoring Calico priestess. And then afterwards, I spend several hours reading the Heroes graphic novels online. Later … out of nowhere, I get an idea of how to add a feature to one of my web sites.

The next day I woke up knowing how to solve a problem that I had struggled with for days last week. Afterwards, I watch cartoons while munching on ice-cold grapes. Yum!

That is how I have spent this funk. I have offered it up to the gods, listened to what calls to me and spent time feeding my rebellious child.

And slowly, my week is lurching forward. I am still in the midst of this downward sweep, but it is livable and the work is proceeding. Tomorrow is Yoga class, some time to learn a new approach to my practice. Learning always excites me.

Then maybe another walk through the park before I pick up my car … and fork over gee-gobs of moola … groan.

And it is okay, because I know that nothing is really wrong – I just feel down. And that distinction is truly a gift. I can stomp my feet, shake my fists in the air and cuss like a sailor knowing that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me … I, Katrina Messenger, am just having a bad day or two … or four.

And oh yeah, love, love, love.

Posted in

Submitted by katrina on Wed, 11/28/2007 - 9:34pm.

Angela Raincatcher (not verified) | Thu, 11/29/2007 - 10:53am

Thank you, Teacher, for this perspective.

That's what I ended up doing last night as well -- intoning the names of my gods, creating the circle around me, and asking for real help to get through the bad days.

love love love back at ya

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Recent comments

  • Claire-Marie Le Normond (not verified)

    Wish I could be there. Very well spoken.

    15 weeks 2 days ago
  • David Salisbury (not verified)

    Katrina,
    I wish you all the blessings and power you need on your journey. Thank you for these words. It is good to remember that returning to work (and thus returning to grace) bring a chance for us all to rest and have joy.
    Wishing you joy in the Work.

    David

    17 weeks 4 days ago
  • Sigre (not verified)

    Dear Katrina- Thorn reposted your blog and happy am I. Your passion, always so immense, comes blowing out in these words. So akin to my own heart and soul that it makes me have a bittersweet smile.

    The Storm is only now coming to the edges of our universe and yet it will sweep and consume all that is. In the end, our beautiful universe will be so much...more? Different? Complete? Who knows?

    All I do know is my soul came here to witness and be part in this period. I cannot shrink from the work. I am here with you, fae sister!

    17 weeks 5 days ago
  • Macha NightMare (not verified)

    Thought-provoking piece, Katrina. Thanks.

    I don't know what to call myself either. In Pagandom, I've taken to referring to myself as a Witch at Large. In the interfaith world where I'm active, I call myself a Pagan. Sometimes I call myself an uppity woman or a Second Wave Feminist. I've never really thought to publicly identify myself by my sexuality, het woman, which is very "white bread" and old-fashioned. Not only het, but serially monogamous for the most part. It seems almost a liability these days to say you're het, but I am proudly and happily so. I tend towards intellectualism but only have a BA, which doesn't carry much weight, at least in public and professional worlds, no matter how much you've studied, trained, and can articulate, even teach.

    My biological heritage is Irish, Dutch, French Huguenot, Euro-mongrel. My social heritage is Roman Catholic on one side and conservative Methodist, temperance-crusading, women's rights and education on the other, with distinct East Coast sensibilities, now mellowed by more than half a century living on the Left Coast. My maternal political heritage is conservative Republican (altho what my relatives might think of current trends in the GOP I cannot imagine, since they did have brains and they did think and they did have a social conscience), yet I am much farther left in my outlook than any elected official I know. My paternal political heritage is blue collar Democratic, except that my dad broke with his family on politics and allied with my mother's family's conservatism.

    I'm a former hippie, a home-birth advocate, a home death and green burial advocate, an opponent of capital punishment and resorting to warfare to resolve humankind's differences. I support the right to conscious self-deliverance. I rejoice in any and all consensual expressions of love and eros. I'm a lover and a mom.

    I have never missed voting in an election and I disrespect those who don't avail themselves of this hard-won right. (I have ancestors who fought the Brits in the American Revolution.) I support workers' rights. I recognize our interdependence on this planet, so could be called a greenie. I'm a committed environmentalist in my day-to-day life (in terms of eating locally grown food, expanding public transit, recycling, preserving open space and wildlife, opposing exploitation of natural resources [strip mining, oil-drilling, nuclear facilities, agribusiness, monocultures, clear-cutting timber, overuse of pesticides, genetic modification, etc.]) I want to make the city streets "safe for dancing," as my old friend Tony Serra said when he ran for mayor of SF on the Platypus Party ticket.

    Well, you got me going there, my friend. Thought-provoking read, as I said. ;-)

    xo,
    Macha

    34 weeks 2 days ago
  • Eridanus (not verified)

    Lovely azaleas!

    [cough][gag][snort][sneeze]

    Just lovely...

    I know what you mean.

    36 weeks 5 days ago
  • Anonymous (not verified)

    I feel you. There is too much bs- particularly when people decide that their temperament is tantamount to truthful and ignore everyone else.
    I get irked by immature extroverts or closet introverts who ignore you REPEATEDLY and then pretend you're out of line for being upset by the time they can't pretend you didn't say anything anymore. I find that the same people will ignore you if you blow up right away, too, and that it's because they just don't think that honoring what you value is important to maintaining a relationship, or even worse: that you don't know what you value at all and that it's all a mind game for their pleasure or annoyance. Then they call you passive-aggressive, aggressive, moody, touchy and temperamental. I call them "not listening".

    36 weeks 6 days ago