Apparently I am having a teachable moment. All kinds of things are revealing themselves to me.
Recently I was thinking about how in my early years as a witch and priestess, I was often called upon to teach concepts that were difficult for me to verbalize. It has always been hard to teach skills that came naturally to me. I come from a family of psychics and oracles. Our everyday waking life was always full of inexplicable knowing and seeing. It never occurred to me to think psychic phenomenon as anything other than real. I tried, in my first Dark Flame Coven class, to teach visualization. I manage to create an outline, mostly shorthand visual cues. But I had difficulty finding the words to wrap around my experiences as a seer.
So when I was asked years later to co-teach a psychic skills workshop with shamanic artist and psychic extraordinaire Pomegranate Doyle, I was thrilled. Finally I would learn the principles that would help me to explain the abilities that were used within my family so easily. But then Pom fell ill and I had to teach the class alone. I tried mightily to use her lesson plan, and although my students probably did not notice, I often felt lost and adrift.
But on the other hand, frequently people claimed in my presence to see my dead relatives, hear voices of the gods, and interact with beings from other realms. I could see what was there and whom they were interacting with in these “conversations.” But I noticed that none of the teachers or elders would ever call their bluff, so I mimicked their knowing smile and pleasant nod. But inside, I “knew” these people were full of shit.
But now, after all these years of teaching and seeing and mentoring and counseling … I am not sure anymore. Whatever these people are seeing in their dreams, divinations, and visions, it is real to them. And if it is real to them, who am I to say otherwise?
So now I can comfortably explain psychic concepts in general, although I still cannot tell anyone exactly what I do. But with this newfound verbal ability, I now truly get why those teachers of old simply nodded and smiled. Everyone sees, everyone foretells and everyone speaks to the gods. It is our level of awareness that can be faulty. And now as I clean my newly acquired bifocals, I understand that even through foggy psychic lenses, we still can see. Learning to discern the shapes, textures, and colors however, may take a lifetime or two. So I too smile and nod.
Yeah, keep looking. Sooner or later, the view will improve. Mine has. I can see now with so much more clarity once that I gave up knowing what was there. And now I can see clear enough to realize that I have no idea what I am looking at. Oh, but the view, it is marvelous!
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This reminded me of something I wrote a few months ago: http://eoma-p.livejournal.com/36134.html
Could be the start of a fun adventure - whatever words you find that fit you best, may you be blessed for it!
Wish I could be there. Very well spoken.
Katrina,
I wish you all the blessings and power you need on your journey. Thank you for these words. It is good to remember that returning to work (and thus returning to grace) bring a chance for us all to rest and have joy.
Wishing you joy in the Work.
David
Dear Katrina- Thorn reposted your blog and happy am I. Your passion, always so immense, comes blowing out in these words. So akin to my own heart and soul that it makes me have a bittersweet smile.
The Storm is only now coming to the edges of our universe and yet it will sweep and consume all that is. In the end, our beautiful universe will be so much...more? Different? Complete? Who knows?
All I do know is my soul came here to witness and be part in this period. I cannot shrink from the work. I am here with you, fae sister!
Thought-provoking piece, Katrina. Thanks.
I don't know what to call myself either. In Pagandom, I've taken to referring to myself as a Witch at Large. In the interfaith world where I'm active, I call myself a Pagan. Sometimes I call myself an uppity woman or a Second Wave Feminist. I've never really thought to publicly identify myself by my sexuality, het woman, which is very "white bread" and old-fashioned. Not only het, but serially monogamous for the most part. It seems almost a liability these days to say you're het, but I am proudly and happily so. I tend towards intellectualism but only have a BA, which doesn't carry much weight, at least in public and professional worlds, no matter how much you've studied, trained, and can articulate, even teach.
My biological heritage is Irish, Dutch, French Huguenot, Euro-mongrel. My social heritage is Roman Catholic on one side and conservative Methodist, temperance-crusading, women's rights and education on the other, with distinct East Coast sensibilities, now mellowed by more than half a century living on the Left Coast. My maternal political heritage is conservative Republican (altho what my relatives might think of current trends in the GOP I cannot imagine, since they did have brains and they did think and they did have a social conscience), yet I am much farther left in my outlook than any elected official I know. My paternal political heritage is blue collar Democratic, except that my dad broke with his family on politics and allied with my mother's family's conservatism.
I'm a former hippie, a home-birth advocate, a home death and green burial advocate, an opponent of capital punishment and resorting to warfare to resolve humankind's differences. I support the right to conscious self-deliverance. I rejoice in any and all consensual expressions of love and eros. I'm a lover and a mom.
I have never missed voting in an election and I disrespect those who don't avail themselves of this hard-won right. (I have ancestors who fought the Brits in the American Revolution.) I support workers' rights. I recognize our interdependence on this planet, so could be called a greenie. I'm a committed environmentalist in my day-to-day life (in terms of eating locally grown food, expanding public transit, recycling, preserving open space and wildlife, opposing exploitation of natural resources [strip mining, oil-drilling, nuclear facilities, agribusiness, monocultures, clear-cutting timber, overuse of pesticides, genetic modification, etc.]) I want to make the city streets "safe for dancing," as my old friend Tony Serra said when he ran for mayor of SF on the Platypus Party ticket.
Well, you got me going there, my friend. Thought-provoking read, as I said. ;-)
xo,
Macha